Dear with Love

Dearest Mommy,

I don't know if you are able to read this or even receive this. But I'm going to write this anyway and I really do hope you do and can. Because the inside me misses you badly despite the fact I don't know why I won't miss you as much as before.

Sometimes, I wished I had sprinkly wishing dust like the movie I caught with Christel earlier on, called 13 Going On 30. So I can make a wish whereby I have the ability to turn back time knowing what should be done and what shouldn't. But I know this isn't going to happen.

I really wished however you are still here with us, all the time, not dying at such young age and able to give us the motherly love sis and I are yearning. I miss everything about you: your eyes, mouth, laughter, your naggings, continuous scoldings and your conditional love fpr us.

Haven't you realised? It has been the 7th year running Mom. We are all moving with time. Dad is turning 60 in 2 years' time, my sis is undergoing puberty and I, going to hit adulthood. Everyone around me is moving on, except for myself. I want to prove people that 'I CAN' but I just dont' see or should I say find the drive and motivation to. You might be really disappointed and I bet everyone do, because I have gicen up before even trying. But please forgive me because I dont' have the strength and courage I used to possess. That egoistical pride I used to have, is gone too. As if something happened and took it away from me. Give me the strength I need to move on like the rest, Mommy and watch over the good people in my life.

I'm really scared, Mommy. What death is to me. Is it scary? Were you shuddering with fear when you knew you were dying? Was it painful? It seemed like the death phobia is woking on me daily. It freaks me out all the time. Save me from fear, Mommy.

Dad and sis are still doing fine, just that out relationhip with Dad seems to be distanced. Probably because he is so obssessed with the debts C owed that he doesn't spend time with us often as before.

Sis is studying hard, I really hope she is. I really don't want her to make the mistakes I made and I'll make sure she'll do well in her exams. Everyone wishes well for you and I'm sure you know everyone loves you. A great mother, a fantastic daughter-in-law, a caring daughter.

Visit us frequently if you can, and bring grandma along too. I miss and love you both so much. Everything, everything.

Love Sincerely Truthfully Yours,
Yeong (You-Know-Who)